


Hey, Google!

by Sabilandako



Series: Lee Donghyuck/Haechan Loving Hours: Open [5]
Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: FBI agent hyuck, FBI!AU, Fluff, M/M, Oblivious Mark, hyuck and mark are both idiots, hyuck especially, hyuck has questionable friends, jeno bestest boi, other nct members are mentioned
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-10
Updated: 2020-10-10
Packaged: 2021-03-07 22:54:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,633
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26935447
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sabilandako/pseuds/Sabilandako
Summary: ”How to flirt using the smallest amount of words possible without actually flirting because what if he’s not gay?”And FBI agent Donghyuck reaches for his alcohol stash as he whispers a low "christ, what the fuck" under his breath.Or,Lee Donghyuck is an FBI agent who monitors the weirdest search histories (which may or may not leave him mentally scarred for life). Enter Mark Lee, who seems desperate enough for a love life that he started using Google to look for tips on how to flirt.Donghyuck doesn't know whether to be endeared or annoyed.(Definitely not jealous though, nope, not at all.)
Relationships: Lee Donghyuck | Haechan/Mark Lee
Series: Lee Donghyuck/Haechan Loving Hours: Open [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1289324
Comments: 31
Kudos: 355





	Hey, Google!

The first time it happens, Donghyuck is calmly filing his nail; unconcerned about the mess he’s making on his table and the disgusted face Jeno is throwing at his direction. It’s a slow day today and so far nothing downright weird happened yet, which he’s always thankful for. After all, in his line of work, the ridiculous things are considered as the normal, and the original normal becomes the unusual. _Orange is the new black_ , or whatever the saying is.

His shift is almost nearing its end, with only a half an hour to go before he loudly announces to the whole office that he’s done for the day hence they should not dare bother him. So far the whole day’s been kind to him (which, in his 25 years of existence, is rare because Donghyuck has always had the worst kind of luck--read: being friends with the ever embarrassing Chenle and Jisung, and probably being alive in this forsaken world) and he’s desperately hoping nothing ruins the rest of his day.

**_**”how to flirt using the smallest amount of words possible without actually flirting because what if he’s not gay?”** _ **

**__ **

And his computer suddenly emits a loud ” _ping_ ” sound as a new google search history pops out at his screen, reminding him of his job as an FBI agent and how he will forever remain a magnet for bad luck.

(He blames it on Jeno, as he usually does whenever even the smallest inconvenience happens to him. He justifies it with the fact that the older man probably hoarded all the luck when he was created—it’s the only way to explain why he has the face, the talent, the kindness, and an amazing boyfriend. It’s unfair, Donghyuck thinks, because that means the world has no luck left at its disposal to give to him.)

Donghyuck counts from one to three; taking a huge gulp from the alcohol he always hides inside his cabinets as he grumbles a low ” _Christ, what the fuck_ ” under his breath. Alcohol is by no means allowed in the workplace, but Ten has always had a soft spot for him anyway (it’s definitely not because Donghyuck knows the older man’s deepest secret which includes 34 counts of murder, nope, not at all.) After all, the alcohol is only reserved for whenever the weirdest and most disturbing google search pops up on his screen.

He looks at the screen again with contempt this time, re-reads the google search for four times, before he decides that being an FBI agent is the worst job on this earth.

(He should’ve just become a stripper, that way he can put his sexy dancing to good use without having to deal with weirdos spamming google with pathetic attempts to flirt with others!)

As an FBI agent, they are tasked to monitor the citizens’ lives through all means to ensure that they’re not becoming public’s enemy #1. It just so happens that he’s assigned at looking at the search history of the unaware public. At first it has been fun, because he gets to know which of the assigned humans under him have the weirdest taste buds or who has the most disturbing porn searches (it’s Jaehyun by the way, his neighbor who coincidentally is also a friend since college days. Proof #2647 that he has the worst luck on earth). However, after years of looking at google searches, the novelty of his work has long worn off, and now he just rolls his eyes whenever his Johnny-hyung searches for the 65th time the best clubs to get drunk at.

Looking at the one who made the google search, determined to give the citizen a piece of his mind for ruining his day (even though technically they are not allowed to reveal to the public that FBI indeed monitors the public’s lives, but to be honest no one would care except for conspiracy theorists like Renjun), Donghyuck clicks angrily at the screen.

**__ **

**_**”how to flirt using the smallest amount of words possible without actually flirting because what if he’s not gay?”** _ **

**_**(** _ ** **_**Lee Mark** _ ** **_**, I.P. 2319880905)** _ **

_Oh. Oh no._

Donghyuck freezes in shock, a flurry of thoughts crossing his mind. The first thing he thinks of is _”_ _Mark_ _Lee_ _has a crush?”_ before it turns into _”_ _Mark_ _wants to step up his game and flirt with his crush?”_ , before it ends at the horrifying thought of _”my crush_ _Mark_ _Lee_ _has a crush on someone else and he’s planning to flirt with them even though I also plan to start flirting with him?”_

(Jeno will laugh at him because Donghyuck always claims _”No thoughts, head empty”_ as his motto in life, but apparently now it’s _”Thoughts are being thunk”_.)

The thing is, Donghyuck can ignore it. He can ignore the way Mark has a crush on someone and he can ultimately ignore his crush on Mark. What makes it worse though is the fact that the older man is literally just a few tables away from him—in other words, Mark is his workmate, his co-FBI agent assigned with monitoring laptop cameras, and is unaware that Donghyuck is the assigned FBI agent monitoring his search history. In short, it’ll be hard to move on from his crush on Mark because he sees the man on a daily basis and he knows Mark’s darkest deepest secrets via his search history (so technically he knows the elder’s whole life story), and that he’s so _so fucked_.

The clock chimes 5 in the afternoon and Donghyuck shuts down his screen.

(Later, when he’s on his way to the parking lot, Mark greets him with a simple ”Hi!” and holds the elevator doors open so he can enter. Jeno is making moon-eyes at his phone--no doubt texting his boyfriend--and doing nothing to help out with Donghyuck’s problems like the unhelpful friend that he is).

* * *

The second time it happens, Donghyuck is drinking his tea, oftentimes massaging his head to hopefully ward off an incoming headache. His clients for today keep on searching about the proper way to boil water without burning the house down ( _”Of course it’s_ _Jisung_ _again, dammit”_ ), or any job offerings nearby (since Doyoung has been fired again for almost picking a fight with a rude customer), or the usual disturbing search of where to find a shop selling wolf’s claw and the hair of a virgin (care of Renjun and his definitely not suspicious activities whenever the full moon rises), or where to hide a body inconspicuously ( _”_ _Ten_ _-hyung, if you actually focused on our paperwork instead of camping under google search, then maybe you’d be able to avoid suspicion over your criminal record!”_ ).

So far, everything is making Donghyuck regret (for the 38th time, yes, he keeps count) the time he said yes to Ten’s offer of being an FBI agent. It does not help that Mark has accidentally spilled a cup of chocolate shake on Donghyuck’s shirt a while ago because the older man apparently brought the team some coffee for a small treat (but honestly who cares about the treat when Donghyuck’s bemoaning the fact Mark just has to be a generous but clumsy adorable piece of shit).

Now, with his screen filled with horrifying google searches and the fact that his shirt is soiled, Donghyuck wishes more than ever to be spared from more sufferings.

Unfortunately, the universe absolutely hates him.

(Donghyuck really shouldn’t have screamed _”come at me, universe! I’m a bad bitch and you can’t kill me”_ when he was drunk off his ass some years ago.)

**_**”how to show u care about someone but not to the point of overbearing because you don’t want to overstep boundaries,** _ ** **__ ** **_**yet you still want to help them because it seems like they’re struggling??”** _ **

Donghyuck groans pitifully, desperately wishing he has someone (named Mark) who will also care for him because he’s really struggling to retain his sanity right now too. Anyone (named Mark) will do, really, he just honestly needs someone (named Mark) to help him stay sane today.

Life does not work that way however, because he only has Jeno from the opposite table who throws him a piece of crumpled tissue paper.

”Go wipe yourself up in the washroom, you big baby. Someone will stop by later to give you their spare shirt.” The older man sighs fondly before his smile turns teasing. ”Not me obviously, since I’m busy doing work unlike you and Ten-hyung who’s now planning his 35th count of murder instead of doing whatever FBI bosses do.”

Donghyuck then just grumbles dramatically before trotting his way to the washroom.

(Later, when he looks at the piece of shirt that someone left on the counter, he winces at how hideous the design is. He has no choice though, because it’s better than walking around with a huge chocolate shake stain on his clothes. The shirt is comfortable however—and now he has no plans to return it to whoever owns it, because he has decided that he will now wear the shirt whenever he goes to sleep.

Oh well. ” _Let’s go communism_ ” is his new favorite motto anyway—what others own, he also owns from now on, or something along those lines.)

* * *

The fifth time it happens, Donghyuck is happily blasting EXO songs on his earphones without a care in the world.

The citizens under his surveillance have been relatively tame for the day. No one is also planning to take over the city, which is honestly good in his opinion. Sometimes however, he wishes for some action in his line of work. The most action he’s gotten unfortunately is the broken coffee maker from a while ago, which is promptly forgotten when Chen started crooning with a sweet voice on his earphones.

So far, so good.

**_**”how to make someone smile because their smile is honestly so pretty and i want to see it more?”** _ **

**__ **

Or not.

Donghyuck heaves a deep breath, deciding to focus instead on how Chen, Byun Baekhyun, and Do Kyungsoo are having a competition with their high notes as if they’re going to be individually graded by a teacher for a group project. (Thank goodness for them though because honestly, he doesn’t know how he can calm down without his emotional support k-pop group).

Once getting his bearings back, Donghyuck exits the screen. It’s not his business anyway how Mark still is doing his best to flirt with his crush, because it’s neither about work nor about a plan to destroy their city.

(The only thing being destroyed is his heart, but _whatever_.)

_Okay_ , so maybe Donghyuck is indeed jealous. Months ago, he created a master plan on how to flirt with Mark and how to ultimately win the older man’s heart—without the use of Google search! The plans all came from his creativity; that’s how serious he is in wooing Mark!—but everything has been foiled when Mark started referring to google as his personal love guru. Now Donghyuck can’t flirt with Mark anymore because it’s obvious that the other has someone he already likes, going by the way Mark searches tips on how to flirt almost three times a day. (If that’s not a proof of Mark’s desperation to finally get the love of his life, then Donghyuck doesn’t know what it is).

But again, like what he said, it’s _whatever_. Donghyuck can just find another crush-potential with a name not starting with ”M” and not ending with ”ark”.

He just has to lower his standards or something, because honestly Mark is top tier when it comes to being boyfriend-potential.

(Later, when he makes his way to the common area to have lunch with Jeno and Ten, he hears an EXO song being blasted on the speakers.

Of course, his emotional support k-pop group is really always there when he needs them.)

* * *

The seventh time it happens, and the time Donghyuck’s admittedly short patience has reached its limit, he’s leisurely eating chips and spilling crumbs even up to Jeno’s table.

He’s ignoring the non-stop messages coming from Taeyong—he doesn’t even know what exactly the messages are about; maybe about how apparently it’s been too long since they last saw each other so they need to have bonding time soon? Donghyuck doesn’t have the time for distractions though (because finishing his chips is a priority), so he stopped caring about the messages the moment he received Taeyong’s first message saying _”don’t u love ur cousin anymore_ _, sunshine_ _? u no care me :(”_?

The thing is, he has no energy to talk to anyone, period. He went on a two-hour-long rant about how his love is unrequited, how he’s going to grow old with 38 cats, and how he’s going to die alone as Mark spends the rest of his life with the person he likes—all done by bawling his eyes out on Jeno’s couch last Saturday. Now, his heart probably has shriveled up as he unpacked his emotions out for Jeno (and by extension Jeno’s boyfriend, and annoyingly even Chenle because the man decided to raid the couple’s refrigerator that same night) to dissect. His braincells have long given up on him too and right now Donghyuck is just a sad pathetic limp sea creature munching on chips in hopes he’ll die an early death because of too much salt.

However, maybe something else will kill him first.

**_**”how to let someone know i absolutely love them and that i will die for them because i’m on the verge of exploding already and i can’t contain the immense adoration and affection i have for them?”** _ **

**__ **

And Donghyuck smiles widely like a maniac—already so _so out of it_ —before he clicks some boxes on his screen so he can hijack Mark’s screen, in such a way that whatever he types on his keyboard will be shown on the older man’s screen as well.

**__ **

**_**“** _ ** **_**OMG STOP BEING JOBLESS AND** _ ** **_**JUST SCREAM TO THEIR FACE THAT YOU** _ ** **_**’RE SO OBSESSED WITH THEM** _ ** **_**, YOU INSUFFERABLE TWAT :)** _ **

**_**-your FBI agent who’s fucking tired of your shit mwah”** _ **

And Donghyuck only realizes the shithole he dug himself into when he, to his immense horror, sees Mark standing up from his table and marching up towards him with the most unreadable face Donghyuck has ever seen.

_”This is it”_ , Donghyuck thinks as Mark nears his cubicle with his mouth parted open as if preparing to curse, _”he now knows I’m his FBI agent and he’s going to punch me for butting in on his personal business and oh my goodness I do deserve to be punche—”_

”I love you! I love you so so much! I love you so much—you don’t even know just how much I adore you, Lee Donghyuck!”

_Oh_.

(Later, when Donghyuck drags Mark outside their office because Jeno and Ten and their other office mates won’t stop re-enacting the confession as if they’re filming a drama, he admits that he’s the FBI agent monitoring Mark’s google search.

And Mark, generous yet clumsy adorable piece of shit Mark, sputters in immense embarrassment because he honestly doesn’t know that someone knows the mortifying things he searches. He then admits that his google searches actually helped him a lot, contrary to popular belief.

Donghyuck is then reminded of the way Mark greeted him a simple ”Hi” at the elevator as a subtle way to flirt with him using the smallest amount of words possible, being given chocolate shake and the comfortable shirt as a way to show support because he was struggling that day, and the company being requested to play EXO songs on the common area because apparently Mark likes seeing him smile.

And _okay, fine_ , so maybe google can be a personal love guru after all.)

**Author's Note:**

> it's??????????? been too long??????????? since i wrote something????????
> 
> over-usage of question marks aside, this fic has been a joy to write! not only did it mean that i can ignore all my pending requirements, but it also means that wow surprise i can actually still write and not just cry and blankly stare at google docs for 5 hours :?
> 
> anyway, i hope u enjoyed reading~ kudos and comments are really loved mwah!


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